In Gin Yong Pang’s article “Attitudes toward Interracial and Interethnic Relationships and Intermarriage among Korean Americans: The Intersections of Race, Gender, and Class Inequality,” she mentions the "Preferential Hierarchy of Choice for Marital Spouse." She states that the preference her interviewee’s parent’s had was the “exact reflection of [her] father’s” which was “Korean/Korean American, then Asian American, White, and then other racial groups, like Mexicans, and finally Blacks.” I asked my roommate, who is Hispanic, what her parent’s preference for who she should marry and their hierarchy of marital spouse was first Guatemalan, Hispanic, white, Asian American, and lastly Blacks. I realized that this hierarchy is the same for most ethnic groups. The top of the hierarchy usually begins with the individual’s particular ethnicity and then people of their race, and then whites, and so forth while Blacks usually come last. This is not a preference based on the qualities of a peron but their race!
Some would argue that it’s natural for people to want to marry their own race; however in reality, it is just a way to hide that they would never date certain races because I’ve heard the saying “I don’t discriminate” many times as a response from people when asked about their preferences. Usually they say it in a playful manner but it is interesting because it actually acknowledges that there are prejudices when dating.
In Chang-Rae Lee’s book, Native Speaker , the main character Henry Parks is Korean American. He talks about how he was sure that his father was going to upset that his fiancée wasn’t Korean, however his father ended up favoring her and Henry knew it was because she was white. I am sure that if Henry had a Black fiancée, it would have been a tough pill for his father to swallow! I’m sure that many people may be in disagreement with the notion of wanting to date their own race as a form of racism, but that is only because this form of racism is so natural to the point where it is hard for people to accept it. But think about it, if two people want to date you, and they had the exact same qualities, who would you choose? The Black guy or the white one and why? BE HONEST!
I think that it's common to prefer dating your own race, because they are in touch with your own culture. Myself for some reason it is common for me to date outside my race, but honestly I have never dated a black individual. The idea of dating a black individual just never came up so that is a good point. My best friend is black she often dates outside of her race as well. I never understood why she did not date black guys, but often Mexicans. I remember when I attempted to hook her up with a black man, nice guy decent looking, smart, and talented, but she shot him down. I've know her for a very long time and I've been to a lot of her family functions she has a uncle who is married to a PI women. They have four children and have been happily married for 15 years. Therefore it does happen, however they are one of few that I know who are a black and PI and married couple.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed Meryllia's honest opinion on dating and talking about how she had the chance to date a black guy, but did not pursue it because of the possibility of her parents disapproval. I cannot think in her shoes because I was not born here. However, if I don't have a language barrier, for me, the color of skin should not be a problem. I have seen some very unattractive white people and some very attractive black people. I think being attractive to someone requires outside appearance and personality. Honestly, if they have exactly the same qualities, I would toss a coin to choose my date because color and beauty are not the most important attributes. I have seen many people with beautiful faces, but with nasty personalities I can't bear.
ReplyDeleteCommented by Il Choi
Meryllia has a great point about how family can affect one's decisions on how he/she dates. At an early age, children are usually taught in this society that different is bad. With the comfort of parents of the same skin color and the idea of never talking to strangers, its not until an individual grows up that he/she can have the opportunity to get to know someone of a different race on a dating level. By that point, many people already have their eyes on specific qualifications that their partner must have.
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